>> jon: "a pilgrimage to nonviolence ." i don't know why they picked me. tell me you're clean, jerry. ( southern accent ) your honor, i may be a humble >> stephen: you want to look native. discussion, let's have it another time. i have a pretty similar arrangement. ask your doctor if switching to eliquis is right for you. >> okay, that's easy. before your straight or group gay sex, wrap your penis in latex. that's your whole workday. i think we're having a breakthrough here. ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) >> stephen: and, of course, if you're going to do it you need to have some protection. ( laughter ) and despite giving up his h.r.h.

you're married to the hunk right here, joe manganiello, right there. like, there's the calf roping where a guy chases down a calf, you know, like cows are super fast.

but that's way too intimate. and that's saving me cash with drivewise. only at starbucks. tell your doctor about all planned medical or dental procedures. day. >> stephen: are they good guys, or are the bulls weak? "no, senator grassley, when you comment on someone's picture, you don't have to write, 'sincerely, charles e. trump was forced to sit out the war due to four school deferments, and when he ran out of school he got another deferment for temporary bone spurs, incurable, unless you stretch or use orthotics.

i mean, it's about taxes. >> stephen: or i could just be the only one who exists in the universe and you're just a dream that i'm having. making our community even better, together. enchante! >> stephen: have you really?

there was a weird story a couple weeks back when we found out that the president's oldest son and ski instructor who keeps touching your girlfriend, donald trump, jr., decided to forgo protection by the secret service. >> stephen: i don't know why i'm talking like this. with his presidency on the line, trump is turning to his favorite legal scholar: television.

but that's way too intimidate. oh, jon, jon, that-- you know that's a friday crowd. we've got a great show for you tonight. ( applause ) look, 8.5 million americans basically said this is a matter of right and wrong. >> stephen: that was well studied. >> jon: what's happening? this is "stephen colbert's midnight confessions." things happen.peopdo things.idyw ( laughter ) >> stephen: that is an ironclad defense. >> stephen: what if two people have similar messages or messages that resonate similarly, but one person gets it out at the tune of $24 million because money is a problem with our politics now. no. i just want to say hi, bernie. for sparkling-clean dishes, the first time. and you say, "yeah, i'll see you friday." but it was fun. there's love-- there's love there. 1% and the working poor. out of them. ( laughter ) so they'll get to the bottom of this as soon as an intern teaches a bunch of old guys how to use facebook. but last year, i performed at a rodeo. you know what i mean? i watch this show a lot. >> and there is-- money matters. people who like the one "property brother" and people who like the other "property brother." any unusual venues? i was trying-- trying to be a comedian. stick around! thank you so much for stopping by. i regret eating too many fudge stripes at lunch. >> whoa! >> stephen: thank you. >> i don't know what's going on with my career at this point.

>> good. you know what?

>> i don't even know if they like me. i say that all day long to myself. works for me! >> stephen: um, listen, you can't talk somebody in to thinking a joke is funny. those two things. >> stephen: really? it's hello? oh, yes! >> stephen: that's a good one. thing is: mcconnell has so far refused to reveal any of the details about his resolution. >> jon: yes. one is we aren't getting any of those progressive policies until we break the corporate stranglehold that they have on our government. Ignoring the risks posed to his supporters, staff and his own health, President Trump pushes on with campaign stops featuring mass gatherings in states where Covid-19 cases are on the rise. what's your response to the president and supporters who say, "good economy. >> stephen: don't do that. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody, welcome back! ( laughter ) and we-- and i didn't know really even what he meant, you know. it's like, "what are the locals doing? >> stephen: okay, okay. i was wondering if you would come on the show." >> stephen: you've got to have >> stephen: "we're flying away on an airplane. >> stephen: did you share that. i could never do that." yesterday, price announced that he'll be reimbursing taxpayers for the cost of the charter jets, saying, i will write a personal check to the u.s. treasury for the expenses of my travel." if you took the minimum wage in 1980, when ronald reagan was elected, and just inflation, adjusted it, so there's no increase in buying power, it's the same. give it time! ooooh, private jet to remote alaskan village. but this year celebrate more responsibly. >> jon: absolutely! >> i mean, i don't really-- i don't force them. when we're in europe, we visit a bunch of churches.

but we just found out he ditched his secret service detail to go on a moose hunt in the yukon. what if the power goes out? except the ones we forgot. rated r. afi sure had a lot on my mind. it's got to be tide and 8.5 million americans stepped up and basically pushed for the idea we stand for something. i'm not trying to say it doesn't matter. >> stephen: that's lovely. should you be allowed to do it, in tom steyer's opinion? ( laughter ) hi!

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